


Coffeemaniacs

by AlexTheWarnerFan



Category: Animaniacs
Genre: Alternate Universe - Coffee Shops & Cafés, Bi Wakko Warner, Bi Yakko Warner, Breaking the Fourth Wall, Gen, Lesbian Dot Warner, Meta, My First AO3 Post, Nonbinary Wakko Warner, Sorry Not Sorry, also yakko and dot are trans but it's not the focal point of this fic, none of the warners are cishet
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-12-03
Updated: 2020-12-03
Packaged: 2021-03-09 20:14:32
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 743
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27862142
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AlexTheWarnerFan/pseuds/AlexTheWarnerFan
Summary: Basically, just an AU where the Warner kids work at the WB Coffeeshop.
Comments: 2
Kudos: 12





	Coffeemaniacs

**Author's Note:**

> Wakko is non-binary in this fic. He will be referred to by both he/him and they/them pronouns. This fanfic is also very, very meta, in true Animaniacs fashion.

It was a sunny day in Burbank, California. The reboot of the hit series, Animaniacs, was going swimmingly and proved to be lucrative for both Hulu and Warner Brothers.

The Warner siblings -- Yakko, Wakko, and Dot -- were the stars of the show and gladly enjoyed their reinvigorated Hollywood fame. But believe it or not, being a popular celebrity can be exhausting. Luckily (or unluckily), an opportunity for them was in store. 

The siblings were hanging around their Water Tower home, trying to think of the plot for their next cartoon. They had put a bunch of words in Wakko's hat and had pulled them out blindly. "Hmm, let's see," said Dot. "Exam, percentage, ear. Who writes this crap????? No one is gonna make us take an ear exam." 

"Ah, but you're forgetting, sister sibling," said Yakko. "We get to torture the jerk doctors for fun. It's kind of what we do." 

"Speaking of doctors, what happened to Hello Nurse?" asked Wakko. "We told you 209384938475 times, Wakko, she joined Doctors Without Borders. Now let it go, you can't ogle every hot woman you see, it's disrespectful," replied Dot.

"Hey, at least we're not the ones who had a crush on Mel Gibson in the '90s," snarked Yakko. Since the cancellation of the original show, Dot has learned what exactly Gibson has been up to and, according to Wakko, retched in disgust. Truth be told, the crush was comphet, and Dot was truly a lesbian all along. "Excuse me Mr. United States Canada Mexico Panama, bring up Mel Gibson again and you'll never eat lunch in this town again," growled Dot. 

Suddenly, the studio CEO, Nora Rita Norita, banged on one of the water tower poles. "Warners!" yelled Nora. "Come down here this instant!" And the three were on the ground faster than you can say all the numbers above zero.

"Yes, Miss Norita?" said the Warners, feigning innocence. "I am pleased to announce that we are retooling your show," said Norita.

"Retooling? So we're gonna get tools?" asked Wakko. "No, silly," said Yakko. "Retooling in this context means that they're gonna change up our show. I swear we sang a whole song about it 13 episodes ago. Are the writers-WAIT, WHAT??????????" The Warner kids were shocked, and their jaws cartoonishly dropped to the ground. 

"That's right," said Norita. "Although your show is a huge success, our studies have shown that audiences today seek perfect protagonists. Protagonists who are always nice, heroic, and never make mistakes. It's called wish fulfillment. While kids are entertained by the funny puppy children tormenting their rivals, the media watchdog group Kartoons Are Rude Evil and Negative, aka K.A.R.E.N threatened to sue Warner Brothers if we didn't remove you three. So you three shall be replaced with our new stars Yakov, Walker, and Dorothy Turner."

Speak of the devil, Yakov, Walker, and Dorothy Turner arrived. They looked just like the Warner kids but were humans. It was like staring into a mirror. A squeaky-clean, picture-perfect mirror, that is. "Hi. We're gonna replace you. I'm Yakov, and I don't talk much."

"I'm Walker, and I eat a balanced diet." 

"I'm Dorothy, and I am the cutest girl on Earth." 

"GRRRRRR, NO ONE'S CUTER THAN ME!" yelled Dot. Yakko and Wakko restrained her before she could hurt Dorothy. "These new 'characters' are a load of crap! How can you be entertained by a flawless protagonist? Our cartoonish antics give us charm and make us beloved entertainment icons!" huffed Yakko.

"Oh, let me pretend to care.....ok I'm done" snarked Norita. "Not to worry, your cartoon friends like Pinky and the Brain will be joining you in the coffee shop. I may be a greedy CEO, but at least I have morals, I'm not gonna put you out of a job entirely. We have just opened Warner's Coffee Shop. You work there starting tomorrow."

"We're just kids, we can't actually work in a shop or anything yet," remarked Wakko. Norita interrupted them and simply said "This is fanfiction, remember? The hapless writer of this fic can say whatever they want, even if it doesn't comply with real-life California laws. You get to stay for one more night in the Water Tower. Starting tomorrow, you'll be sleeping in the coffee shop attic. This tower is now reserved for the stars of The Normal People Show."

Yakko turned to his siblings, sighed, and simply said, "you can panic now."

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"


End file.
